Want to get out of a bad mood, call someone up and talk to them about anything, even the situation that has soured your mood.  Just getting things off our chest will lighten your mood.  Often the conversation will provide different angles on the situation and one will see light at the end of the tunnel. At the very least, you will be freed from inaction and able to move forward.

Just lost a deal, don’t withdraw and go home.  Call a colleague and share the experience and you will find it is not that bad after all.

Not sure what to do about a situation, call a trusted friend and speak about it.  The conversation will lead to new ideas you will never have thought of on your own.

Not sure how to deal with a lousy coach or boss, talk to a friend or family member.  Vent your feelings and then, most importantly, be open to the responses you are receiving which could lead to a breakthrough.

Sometimes, we just want to talk without hearing advice.  We just want to vent.  As the listener, make sure you know what the “story teller” wants from you.  Listening without advice is all it takes sometimes to help someone out of a bad mood.

If the “story teller” wants advice, then give it.  Just make sure you are relaying it to their situation and while showing empathy and understanding.

It’s true people don’t want to hear others always complaining.  So make sure you are not complaining to the same person all the time.  Otherwise that person will consider you a downer and will stop taking your calls.

You should always try and have a personal conversation in your head to help get you out of the bad mood.  It’s better if you can do it by yourself.  But, if for some reason you are stuck, GET IN COMMUNICATION!!!  Otherwise, you will waste precious time and energy you will never get back.

There are other tools you can use too.  Exercise, humor, Yoga, etc.  Whatever you use, each is a form of communication in getting out your feelings and frustration and moving on.

Smile Life is just a game.  Learn to play the game and enjoy the journey.  You really do have a lot to be grateful for.

Many people mistake being a good manager for being a good leader.  Managing is only one of three core responsibilities a leader needs to have in order to succeed.  They are:

1. Critical Thinker- ability to remove emotion and think of all alternatives and options on how to move a department, organization, project or sale forward.  Ability to solve problems and maintain a leadership position in the marketplace.
2. Manager-ability to execute processes properly to achieve desired results.  This includes staffing and scheduling.
3. Coach – ability to get things done through others. Understand individual’s strengths and weaknesses and create environment to get the most out of each individual.  Coaching is not about changing people.  Leaders create opportunities and environments for success.  Individuals must want to personally succeed and do whatever it takes.

If a leader can excel in these three areas, there is a good probably they have the 7 traits of a great leader outlined in the book Lead, Sell or Get Out of the Way.

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Rather, the simple truth is simply asking the customer about the results (outcomes) he is looking for.  Clarifying her answers to make sure what she is saying is similar to your impression and avoiding false assumptions.  Follow that up by asking what’s at stake in terms of success if the product/service does or does not work according to spec.

Then, and only then, respond with the key features and benefits that speak to the issues the customer has just provided and close the deal.

It’s that simple.  The simple truth is that people buy for their reasons, not yours.  So stop making it too difficult and find out what the customer is looking for provide the right solution.

Keeping it simple will help you sell more in less time, increase your closing ratio and increase your level of satisfaction/fulfillment in your career.

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The key to building any business is for customers to feel they are being heard and their needs are being met.  This is true for sales and customer service reps.  And you need to make sure it is being done on a consistent basis because one bad hiccup can erase all the good will you have previously established.

Here is an example.  A while back I was on my preferred airline where I had top tier status. I was one of their most profitable flyers.  The kind you want to take care of.  During a flight from Newark to Tucson on a first class ticket, word came down that the family needed to head to San Diego because my uncle was in the last stages of cancer.  Upon landing in Tucson and getting the message, I immediately called my airline and said I needed to change my return date and location due to a pending death in the family and I requested a bereavement fare.

The agent told me I did not qualify for a bereavement fare.  I asked why not.  The answer was because I already departed my point of origination.  I had to be in Newark at the time of the call.  I said, “You mean I am being penalized because I was not home at the time of the call?  Even when I was on your plane at the time on a first class ticket?”  I asked them what would it cost for the re-route. They said $40 if you fly back during the day and we would owe you $200 if you take the redeye.  I said why don’t you waive the $40 and get me back during the day.  They declined.

I responded that I cannot believe they are treating an executive platinum that way and the agent, get this, responded “I can’t believe you are trying to rewrite our fare codes”.  I was so angry I just hung up.

Next I called Southwest Airlines, an airline I have no relationship with, to get me from Tucson to San Diego. I started with the same explanation and the rep said “Mr. Karr, on behalf of Southwest Airlines, let me share how upset we are that you have to travel under these trying circumstances and we will do everything we can to make your journey as comfortable as possible.”  This is coming from an airline I hardly ever fly.  Then she goes on to say that because they have the lowest fares, they do not offer bereavement fares.

The way she acknowledged my pain, she could have charged me a couple of hundred dollars more and I would not have cared.

Imagine this.  The airline I had the most status with accused me of trying to re-write their fare codes and the airline I had the least status with was truly trying to be there for me, even if they couldn’t offer a bereavement fare.

Figuring the call with “my airline of choice” had to be an aberration (I did get great service in the past), I decided to try again.  And wouldn’t you know it?  I got into the same exact argument word for word.

Fast forward six months later.  I am sitting on a plane “my airline of choice” and next to me was a young lady and we started talking.  I asked her what she did for a living and she said she worked in reservations for “my airline of choice” in LA.  She got my attention.  I explained what happened and she started laughing.  She said all that happened was the second agent simply read the notes of the first call entered into the computer by the first agent.

All that happened was the agent simply read the notes?  WRONG!!! All that happened was this incident, plus a few others like it, wiped out all the great customer experiences I had on that airline and led to my avoiding them like the plague.  And now that airline is in bankruptcy.

We have to stop training reps in customer service and sales on how to read scripts and teach them critical thinking.  They have to adapt to situations and respond appropriately to customers.  Otherwise they will walk.  We have to train them on how to handle conflict resolution and make appropriate decisions that protect company assets while at the same time handle customers with great care.

I know there is a need to systematize processes to make sure people are doing things rights.  However, when you systematize things too much, you turn people into robots who are incapable of dealing with human emotions and solving problems real time.

How much do you think “my airline of choice” lost in annual revenue because I don’t fly them anymore?  A lot!  And how many people do think are out there like me?  A lot!

What companies need to understand is you don’t need to worry about those who complain.  You should worry more about those who don’t complain and voice their concern by leaving, just like I eventually did.

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That was the moment I was waiting for my whole life— getting validation that I truly am making a difference in my daughter’s life.  It’s what we all strive for with our employees, customers, family and friends – making a difference and knowing your words of advice are being heard and being acted on.

There are 7 keys to creating lasting impacts in the lives of others:

1. Accept People for Who They Are— We are all different and therefore we look at things differently and have different aspirations.  Stop trying to make people do things the way you do them.  Accept them for who they are and guide them with your expertise so they can flourish in their own way.
2. Relate to People—People don’t do things because they are told to do it.  They do things because they feel it will help them.  Relating to others is sharing ideas in the context of how it will help them.  Stop talking about your reasons as to why they should do things.
3. Acknowledge Successes—It is very important to tell people you love them and that you appreciate them and their efforts. We all need to hear this and when we do, our minds become open to new ideas.  We are motivated to reach new heights.  Acknowledge successes and never, ever follow that up with a criticism.  Otherwise you just eliminated the good feelings associated with the success.
4. Personal Accountability—- It is very important to hold each other accountable for our promises and actions.  Holding people accountable is not being mean.  It simply is a method for not letting others allow excuses to get in the way of achieving results.  Excuses are man’s best friend in providing comfort and reasons as to why we could not do certain things.   Results, not excuses, are what produce a fulfilling and happy life.  Let’s not become enablers for failure.  Let’s help enable others to be the best they can be.
5. Listening—Sometimes our role needs to simply be a listener.  Letting people we care about vent their feelings and frustrations.  Sometimes all people need is just to be heard and not told what to do.  Having a safe source to unload one’s burdens is critical in order to free up both physical and mental energy necessary to create better results in our lives.
6. Encourage People to Fail—-Failure is a critical element for success.  We learn from our mistakes.  In fact all successful people fail more than they succeed.  A .300 hitter batter in baseball gets only 3 hits in 10 at bats, but is considered a superstar and makes millions of dollars. Allow people to fail.  Encourage them to fail.  I value those who fail more than those who do not fail because they are afraid to do anything that doesn’t work out.
7. Learn from Mistakes—As leaders, we need to help those who depend on our guidance to learn from their mistakes and figure out how to do things better.  Critical in this initiative is not you telling them what to do.  But rather listening to their thought process on how they will go forward.  Leaders don’t manage actions.  They coach thought processes.  They look at how people think, identify gaps in the thinking process that need to be addressed and then help with those gaps.  This is what a leader does for long-term growth and success.

These are the seven keys I use to make a difference in my daughter’s life and with those who depend on me.  Life is about achieving and giving back to others so we can all achieve.

Click here for more tips, strategies and ideas on how to impact and influence others

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What you have to say is not powerful.  The power comes from positioning your ideas and offers in the CONTEXT of what’s important to the listener.  This may sound like a minor point to you, but it is the GREATEST DISTINCTION of what separates the most influential people from others.

Here’s an example.  Scott Nadell, Director of Sales for Mextrx LLC, a third party biller in New York specializing in workers compensation and no fault receivables, called me up after reading Lead, Sell or Get Out of the Way.  He asked me how could he do a better job of opening his client’s minds to listen to what he has to say.  He described his clients as being closed minded and downright rude to him.

I asked him how he started off his calls.  He said since they only give him a couple of minutes, he goes straight into how he can do their billing better and more efficiently.  All of a sudden, the gates come down. Office managers hearing this start thinking about the possibility of having to fire employees because of technology gains. Doctors don’t want to get near this issue either.  No one is listening.

I told Scott he needed to develop the relationship first so his clients are not fearful of him and then present his offering in the CONTEXT of the problems they are trying to solve.

He started going in to prospect calls with the mindset of having a conversation.  Asking about the challenges they are having in billing, getting them to open up.  Then, he presented his offering in the CONTEXT of how he can help them solve those problems without ever talking about laying anyone off.  He concentrated on his company’s technology and statistics of improvement gains similar practices have achieved from working with Scott.

All of a sudden, Scott started having better conversation, uncovered new opportunities and closed more deals.

If you are trying to influence anyone in life, customers, family members, friends, students, colleagues, etc.—remember it is not the message that counts.  It is the CONTEXT in how you deliver the message that makes all the difference in whether your message lands with impact and is acted on!

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The key to achieving success is acting like you have achieved it.  If you want to be a top producer, you must act like one.  Do the things top producers do, think like they do and have the same expectations.

Acting like a top producer means having the confidence and belief that you belong at this level of success.  You engage people in conversations that top producers have.  They are not self-serving conversations.  They are genuine attempts to get to know people and figure out how to best serve them.  Top producers know it’s not always about them.  They know the key to their success is helping others achieve their success goals.  Helping people get to where they want to go will pay more in return than you could ever imagine.

What do top producers do?  They plan, act and think strategically.  They don’t waste time with actions that do not lead to their desired results.  They make sure there is a proper return on investment for their time and other resources. They are not looking to meet minimum expectations.  They are looking to lead the pack and stay on top.  They make sure that all actions support their purpose in life.

What are the expectations of top producers?  First, they always go into situations with the belief that failure is not an option.  Even if they do not have the answers up front, they don’t let that stop them.  They continue to think about the outcomes they want to produce and figure out how to make it happen. They hold themselves accountable and will do whatever it takes to succeed.  If they realize success is not possible, they fold those cards and move on to new situations.  Being successful means you need to know when to fold as well as being tenacious.

Here is the bottom line:  You want to succeed, stop thinking about how you are going to do it and start living the life of a successful person.

Click here for 5 Beliefs of Successful People 

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Feeling full of myself, I walked into my manager’s office to gloat and she immediately put me into my place by asking what deal was next on tap. I felt like I just got slapped in the face and let loose accusing her of not caring about me and pushing too hard; especially when there’s a guy sitting outside her office who was at 50% of quota and not being pushed.

She then proceeded to teach me a life long lesson. She said “I can push you hard now because you won’t crack. You are full of confidence. This is when you should not lay off and keep going because you are on fire. You want to take advantage of being in the zone. That poor guy outside my office would crack if I pushed him too hard. He already is on thin ice.”

This taught me when you close a deal this is not the time to slow down. Leverage that strength to close more business.

I have learned in working with CEO’s that they value validation of current strategies as much as suggestions of what they could do better.

You want to position yourself as a trusted advisor, one that is confident enough to tell customers what they are doing well and what they can improve on.  In my own work, I have found that CEO’s greatly value when I validate their strategies not because they are looking for a pat on a back.  They value it because it is coming from an outsider, someone who has no vested interested in the process like his employees who are constantly looking to protect themselves and defend their decisions.

If you are constantly always focusing on selling something today, you will never be in a position to validate the good things a customer is doing.

Regardless if it limits your sales potential for the current visit, understand that validation when appropriate goes a long way to establishing yourself as a trusted advisor.  It builds trust and in the long run it leads to a greater share of the customers business than when you are constantly telling the customer all the things she is doing wrong and how you can do them better.

This strategy is one that proved to be powerful in helping one of my clients reposition themselves with a key account and resulted in an industry changing ten year deal valued at over $200m.   You an read more about in this CEO Bestselling Book. 

The issue is not your competition. It is your relationship with the customer and whether or not they feel you have their best interests at heart.  Can they trust you? Do they believe in you?  Or do they think you will say anything to get the business?

With emotions running high, she calls me for help.  I ask her how she is going about getting new prospects.  She shares her nine-part system for prospecting.  The first part is the script used on the cold call.  It is four paragraphs long with the first three focusing on her services and abilities.

I ask her how the response is going.  She dejectedly said there were no callbacks.  I then asked her if this is what she would teach her clients and she said no. So I asked her why are you doing it then?  She gave me an honest answer.  She is in such a bad way that she was trying to do anything to get someone to hire her.  Her emotions clouded her vision and judgment.  They forced her into doing actions that she wouldn’t even recommend.

Sound familiar?  All of us can relate to this story when we had our own emotions drive us to actions we would normally avoid.  

So I asked her what would she do with this script.  Her answer was it was too long. I said just do yourself a favor and throw it out.  Scripts don’t sell!  CEO’s want a valuable conversation, not a script.

What is the point of the cold call?  If you are in a sales cycle that involves face to face visits, then it is simply to get an appointment, not sell yourself.  CEO’s won’t listen to a voice mail that is more than 20 seconds and all about you.  They couldn’t care about you, no offense intended.  They want to talk with people who can advise them on strategies for achieving the results they are after.

So then I asked her how she got her list.  She says the names were provided by an association executive that thought she could help those CEO’s.  I said perfect!

Here is the message you will leave on your next voicemail:

“Ms. Jones— this is so and so.  Bob Jones suggested I call you to share some of the strategies we are using to help businesses like yours grow their sales.  When would be a good time for the two of us to meet?”

Within one day, she received 4 call backs vs. none using her script.  She also closed an appointment with a CEO for a face to face visit.  All within one day!

So what are the learning points from this story:

1. We all get side stepped by our emotions.  Call a friend or colleague and validate your strategy to make sure it is not filled with actions that won’t help you achieve your goals
2. When the sky seems to be falling and there is no room to go, let this story be an example that your fortunes can change instantly if you do the right thing, which is to position yourself as a resource to serve others vs. trying to find an instant fix to your problems
3. Walk your talk.  Never stray from your values and experience.  Never allow your emotions to force you to act in certain ways you would never counsel others to do.
4. Leverage the people you know.  There are people in your life who can help you get the results you are after if you give them a good enough reason.

Tomorrow, read the next part on how her visit with the CEO went.  There will be additional and powerful learning points to share with you.

In the meantime, please share the strategies you use in not letting your emotions get the best of you.  Let’s start a great conversation that will help all of us.

And one more thing. Please do not comment on whether this person should be a sales trainer or not.  She actually is very good and does provide great results.  She became a victim of her emotions and latched onto a system she thought would work.

Question is:  In your life, how are your emotions affecting your results?