Most people think the biggest challenge in communication is what we say. But neuroscience says it’s actually what people hear—or rather, what they think they’re hearing.

You see, people don’t listen with their ears. They listen with their filters. And those filters?
They’re packed with personal experiences, assumptions, even childhood stuff they’ve long forgotten. It’s like trying to play jazz through a kazoo. You’re not getting Miles Davis—you’re getting noise.

Here’s what happens:

You say, “We need to move faster on this project.”
They hear, “You’re failing.”

You say, “Let’s explore other options.”
They hear, “Your idea isn’t good enough.”

Why? Because most people aren’t hearing your words. They’re hearing their story about your words. And that story is written by their past—not your intent.

Now let me tell you about my friend Bud.

Bud Howard, VP of Sales for Hertz Equipment Rental, was filming a short video testimonial for me. Now, I had trademarked The Question Man, because I believe success isn’t about having all the answers—it’s about asking the right questions.

But Bud? He kept calling me The Answer Man.

Thirteen takes.
Thirteen times: The Answer Man.

Finally, I said, “Bud, you’re killing me!”

But I got it.
To him, I was the guy who delivered results every time. So in his mind, I must have had the answers.

What he didn’t realize was—I never gave him the answers.
I gave him questions that unlocked his thinking.

His filter told him one thing, even though the truth was something else.

So here’s the takeaway:

If you want to lead, if you want to influence, if you truly want to connect—don’t just focus on what you say. Start thinking about what they might be filtering through. Because in the end, it’s not about being The Answer Man—It’s about asking the right question that helps someone see past their assumptions.

And if you still think communication is all about talking, let me introduce you to Bud.
He’ll tell you everything you need to know—thirteen different ways.

If this message resonated with you, imagine what we could unlock together. As a top sales leadership consultant and keynote speaker, I’ve helped leaders on six continents cut through noise, shift mindsets, and drive real results—simply by changing how they communicate. If you are ready to elevate your leadership and influence, let’s talk. Schedule a free Velocity Mindset® call today and let’s explore what’s possible. https://calendly.com/ronkarr/30min

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